


Dear MJ,

by panic_planet



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22236403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panic_planet/pseuds/panic_planet
Summary: “Rule number one...don’t write love letters on burrito wrappers.”
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Dear MJ,

**Author's Note:**

> This is the piece I wrote for an unreleased Spiderverse zine called “Behind the Mask: a Spiderverse Fanzine” The first part takes place before the events of the movie and the rest is after.

Despite the glowing moon illuminating the clear indigo sky, a cloud had found a home over Peter B. Parker’s head. This mini hurricane was determined to suck up every ray of light it could find. No umbrella or raincoat could stop the torrential downpour, drowning everything and everyone he loved. 

Especially MJ. 

The thought of her sent Peter’s stomach into a whirl. He hated that he missed her, he hated all the empty space in his stuffy apartment, he hated himself for letting things fall apart. But no matter how hard he tried, he could never hate MJ. 

Peter stared down the burrito in his hands, suddenly starving for a bite. Thinking about his problems always made him hungry. It’s why he ended up at Benny’s, desperate to fill his stomach with something else other than sadness. 

Swatting away the family of flies in his face and trying to ignore the patches of salsa stains on his worn out booth, Peter hungrily grabbed his “Bearitto.”

“Excuse me sir?”

Peter turned quickly in shock; his spider-sense didn’t catch anyone coming. Despite this, he wasn’t surprised. Peter’s slump had been taking a toll on his abilities. 

Peter scanned the person–a kid who looked about fourteen–in front of him. His hair was styled, his clothes looked hand picked by mom, and the blue backpack slung over his shoulder had a Spider-Man pin. Despite Benny’s dingy lighting, the boy’s eyes glimmered with excitement. 

Peter put down his burrito in frustration. He thought he’d finally disappointed enough people to stop them from coming over. Wearing the suit under his clothes probably didn’t help, but Peter couldn’t remember the last time he did laundry. He was only wearing a worn out jacket and sweats that barely covered the Spider-Man symbol.

“What?” Peter replied unenthusiastically.

“Are you Spider-Man?” The boy asked. 

Usually Peter was able to dismiss children like this one with ease. But something about this kid struck a chord with Peter, prompting a montage of memories of MJ. She wanted kids badly, and Peter couldn’t stomach the idea of raising a child. The crying, the yelling, the changing of diapers? Peter wanted to save the city, not become a stay-at-home dad. How was he supposed to manage both lives? Peter stared at the boy, lost in the life he couldn’t have. 

“Well, are you?” The boy insisted. Peter snapped back to reality. 

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Can I have your autograph?” The boy quickly unzipped his backpack and pulled out a Spider-Man themed notebook. He anxiously flipped to an empty page and handed the book and pen to Peter with a smile.

Peter sighed. The faster he signed this book, the faster this kid would go away, and the faster he could spend the rest of his night engulfing his burrito trying to forget that any of this ever happened.

_“Keep on swinging”_ Peter wrote. The kids always love that one.

Just as he was about to sign his name, the chiming of the bell on the door grabbed his attention. Peter’s world stopped turning. His eyes widened and he almost dropped his pen.

What was MJ doing here, out of all places? Peter watched as she walked to the front counter, smiling as she placed her order with the stoic man working the register. Despite the man’s disposition, MJ’s radiant smile caused a grin to grow on his face as they spoke. Classic MJ.

A wave of determination washed over Peter. What if this was fate? MJ hated burritos, so there’s no way she’d be on this side of town, and at Benny’s of all places. The alignment of the stars couldn’t have been a coincidence. This was his chance to win her back. 

“Mr. Spiderman? Are you okay sir?” Peter had completely forgotten about the autograph he was signing. With his hands shaking, Peter quickly scribbled his name and shooed the kid away, keeping the pen. He flattened out the burrito wrapper in front of him and began pouring himself out onto the paper. 

The contents of Peter’s head enveloped the page in smeared blue ink, illustrating the entire world of regret in his mind. He said all the things he never had the courage to. Peter wasn’t sure he was even making sense, but it didn’t matter to him. Today was the day he was going to get MJ back and finally push the rain clouds away. 

As Peter finished up his thoughts, voices from the other side of the restaurant grabbed his attention. He looked up to find MJ on the phone, laughing at something someone on the other end said. Peter’s curiosity got the best of him and he stopped writing, straining his ears to catch some part of the conversation.

“Yea, I’m at Benny’s now…I didn’t mess up your order, promise…I’ll be home in 20.”

Reality came crashing down on Peter. A crack of thunder roared over his head and the rain poured down harder than it ever had. Peter’s hand came to a grinding halt. If fate truly did plan this, the stars were laughing at Peter. MJ wasn’t here for Peter or even a burrito. MJ was here for someone else. 

When MJ laughed again, it sounded less like music and more like mockery. Peter squeezed his eyes shut, wishing that it was all a nightmare. Within seconds he was on his feet, crumpling his letter into a ball within his fist, and abandoning his burrito on the table.

Peter stuffed the ball inside his pocket and took one last look at MJ on his way out the door. He stopped, watching the pleasant exchange between her and the man behind the counter. MJ thanked him and turned towards the door to leave, only catching a glimpse of red before Peter let the storm carry him home.

———————

The setting sun saturated Miles’s small dorm with a warm yellow light, illuminating the room as Peter, Gwen, and Miles lounged and laughed around a fresh pizza pie. It had been a couple months since the world had almost ended, and the trio had a lot to catch up on. Much had changed since they last met, but Peter felt as if no time had passed. Seeing Miles and Gwen was a breath of fresh air from the dullness of his dimension. Things have gotten better for him, but they were nowhere near perfect. But that didn’t stop him from prying into his friends’ lives, even if it meant building a wall to protect him from talking about his own. 

“So I walk up to the front of the classroom and I’m sweating like crazy. Pretty sure I had pit stains. Anyway, I’m about to start my presentation when everyone gasps. I look at my hands and I’m invisible.” Miles starts to laugh as he continues his story. “So my teacher starts asking where I went and all the kids in my class are looking around as if I’m hiding under a desk or something.”

“Did you get busted?” Gwen asked, taking a bite out of her pizza. She swung her legs over the side of the chair and leaned back on one of the arm rests.

“I couldn’t let them see me if I turned visible; I’d end up in the freakin’ science lab. So I ran back to my dorm and had to make up some dumb excuse the next day about why I disappeared.” Miles finished, taking a sip of his soda.

“And what excuse was that?” Gwen raised her eyebrows.

“You’re gonna laugh.” 

“Oh I’m sure I will.” 

“Never mind the excuse isn’t important. I ended up-“

“Just spill it, kid.” Peter insisted, dropping a big fallen piece of cheese into his mouth.

Miles gave Peter and Gwen each a pained glare but they showed him no mercy.

“Okay fine. I told her it was a magic trick. That I’m working on becoming a magician.” Gwen almost choked on her pizza. Her laugh brightened the room.

Meanwhile Miles rolled his eyes and spun in a circle on his office chair. 

“See, I told you.”

“You? A magician? You were better off telling her you were Spider-Man.” Gwen’s comment sparked another round of laughs and even Peter couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

“So what happened, did she fail you or what?” Peter asked.

“Yea she failed me. But she’s letting me do another project for extra credit. I just hope I don’t blow that too.” 

“You won’t. Just try to keep yourself as calm as possible and the powers will work with you. I don’t care what it is, meditate, count sheep, hum that sunflower song you like so much.” Peter offered. As much as Miles’s story amused him, he cared about him too much to not give him some advice, even if it wasn’t the best.

“Counting sheep is for when you’re trying to fall asleep.” Miles replied.

“Yea, whatever.” Peter grabbed some napkins and began wiping the oil off his hands.

“Speaking of sunflowers…” Gwen smirked and put her plate down on the table. “How did the flowers go with MJ?”

Peter gulped and the sudden spotlight made Miles’ room feel like a sauna. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, trying desperately to find the words to explain what had happened when he came back to his dimension but he couldn’t find them.

“Not every story has a fairytale ending.” Peter faltered. He kept his eyes glued to the ground.

“What do you mean?” Miles asked hesitantly.

“It means nothing much has changed, well not really. She appreciated the flowers and we’re back on speaking terms, but we’re still not together.” 

Silence filled the room, making Peter’s chest feel heavy. Miles bit his lip and Gwen shifted in her chair uncomfortably. He hated being the cause of the tension in the room. 

“What about a letter?” Miles suggested. Peter felt a lump in his throat form. He was in a dark place the last time he tried writing MJ a letter. Thinking of that night at Benny’s opened a door to an entire room of memories Peter wanted to be locked out of. 

Miles took Peter’s silence as an invitation to continue his idea. “My Uncle Aaron used to tell me that they would always ‘win over the ladies.’ I’ve never written one, but I trust his advice.”

Peter tore his eyes from the ground to look at Miles. He knew how hard it was to talk about Uncle Aaron, the wound of his death still not completely stitched. Peter respected Miles for caring enough to give him the advice, even if he didn’t want to take it.

“Letter writing really isn’t my thing.” Peter forced out. He nervously wiped his sweaty palms against his sweats and froze at the feeling of a paper ball in his pocket. 

“What’s in your pocket?” Gwen asked suspiciously.

Peter hesitantly reached into the right pocket of his pants to find the Benny’s wrapper with his heart crumpled inside still there. He hastily investigated the letter, afraid to unwrap it. 

“Wait. Is that…” Miles faltered.

“It’s nothing…” Peter attempted to divert his friends’ attention. He tried to put the letter back in his pocket but Gwen was out of her chair in seconds, snatching the wrapper out of Peter’s hands.

Peter shot up and chased Gwen as she quickly opened the burrito wrapper and dodged Peter’s attempts to grab it out of her fingers. Once she had skimmed the entire letter, she stopped and squinted at it, trying to swallow every word. Peter gave up trying to get it back from her. He sat down in defeat, rubbing his face in his hands, waiting for the nightmare to end.

Silence enveloped the room again. Miles sat at the edge of his chair, anxiously awaiting Gwen’s review.

“Was the guacamole stain intentional?”

Miles’s dorm erupted into chaos. 

“Guacamole stain?” Miles repeated.

“Of course it wasn’t intentional-“ Peter tried to explain.

“So then why is it there? And on a burrito wrapper nonetheless?” 

“You wrote MJ a love letter on a _burrito wrapper?_ ” 

“Look, it was a dark time for me okay?” Peter yelled. Miles and Gwen fell silent.

“I wrote it a long time ago. It was right after we broke up. I was a mess. And I regret writing it.” Peter said in frustration. He stood up and took the letter from Gwen.

“It’s not horrible, you know. It just needs some fixing. We can help you.” Gwen offered.

“Listen. You guys are great, but a couple of kids aren’t going to help fix my marriage.” Peter scoffed, crumpling the letter back into a ball and tossing it into the garbage.

Miles stood up and immediately grabbed it out of the trash. He unwrapped it again and read it to himself.

“Gwen’s right. It’s got potential.” 

“I appreciate the help, but I don’t want to jump into things I’m not ready for. I mean, what if the whole letter thing backfires and then I’m back at Benny’s stuffing my face crying in a Grande Bearitto-“

“C’mon Peter. All it is is a leap of faith. It’s what you taught me.”

Peter bit his lip. Miles had a point. If he ever wanted to get MJ back he needed more than some half wilted roses and an “I’m sorry.” If Miles and Gwen wanted to give the help, then why not take it? 

“Okay, fine. You can help me. But I’m not promising she’ll ever read this.”

Gwen smiled and Miles excitedly went into his backpack. He tore out two pages of loose-leaf paper and sat down at his desk, grabbing a pen.

“Rule number one...don’t write love letters on burrito wrappers.” Miles spoke as he wrote.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah okay, I get that now, believe me.”

Miles read the letter again and dissected every word. When he was done, he turned towards Peter with a curious spark in his eye.

“You’re saying you want to fix things, but how? What about you has changed?” Miles asked.

Peter opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Looking back on everything he’s been through, Peter knows he’s not the same person who wrote MJ that letter. Ever since he came back, his entire world was turned upside down. So much had changed in his life that it was hard to pinpoint just one. But as Peter looked around the room in a dimension he would have never believed in the existence of, he knew exactly what to say.

“Well... I guess you guys happened? Before the whole alternate dimensions threatening the lives of all realities thing, I didn’t want kids. MJ did. And from there things went south. But then I met you two. I realized how lonely I was, not just without MJ but without you guys around. I don’t know if that answers your question or whatever, but yeah. I’ve changed.”

Peter offered a weak smile and finally looked at Miles and Gwen. They seemed unsure of what to say, but they knew exactly what they were going to do. They were gonna help Peter write the best love letter in the entire multiverse.

———————

The brisk evening breeze whipped through Peter’s chestnut brown hair as he walked down the street. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, finding comfort in the folded piece of paper in his fingers. 

Confidence surged through Peter and his senses came alive. For the first time in years, he felt ready to repair what he had broken in his relationship with MJ. A life with her felt like it was only just beyond reach, and this letter was going to give him the push he needed to finally grasp it.

As he neared MJ’s house, Peter could feel himself sweat despite the frigid air. A thousand thoughts raced through his head, the fear of losing her enveloping him whole. Peter’s stomach churned with unease as he reached MJ’s doorstep, ready to make the decision he will either cherish or regret for the rest of his life. 

Peter rang the doorbell and shifted his feet uncomfortably, peering into the front door’s window to try and see if she was home. Moments later he heard footsteps racing towards the door and Peter straightened his back, squeezed the letter in his pocket, and prepared for the worst.

When MJ opened the door, her smile slowly faded from her face and her eyes grew with concern. 

“Peter? What are you doing here?”

Peter took a deep breath. “Taking a leap of faith.” He grabbed the paper out of his pocket and handed it to MJ before he could even think about backing out. 

MJ looked at the folded loose leaf paper and sighed. She took it and glared at Peter. 

“What is this?” MJ asked tiredly, hesitantly examining the letter.

“Just open it.”

MJ unfolded the piece of paper slowly as if she was scared to discover what’s inside. Her eyes scanned the page and within seconds she was handing it back to him.

“Peter, whatever this is, I don’t have time for it.” She pushed the letter into Peter’s chest and turned around to go back inside. 

It took all of Peter’s willpower to not crumble to pieces on MJ’s doorstep. Peter frantically caught the paper from falling and frantically looked at the letter, his heart dropping when he read what was written inside.

_“Rule Number One: Don’t write love letters on burrito wrappers.”_

Peter began panicking. He remembered stuffing the list of tips Miles and Gwen made him in his pocket, but he couldn’t grasp how he got the two mixed up. Peter scavenged his pockets and found the correct letter just before MJ was about to slam the door.

“Wait! MJ please…” Peter rushed. MJ turned around and gave Peter an irritated glare. “No more games.” He promised, handing her the real letter.

MJ dove deeply into Peter’s eyes, trying to find some way to trust him again. Peter didn’t know what she found, but to his surprise it was enough for her to take the letter out of Peter’s hand and give him a second chance. 

Peter didn’t know how much time went by. Seconds seemed like hours and minutes felt like days. Doubts raced through his mind but the cards were in MJ’s hands now. It was up to her whether or not to let Peter back into her life. 

When MJ finished reading she looked back up at Peter, but as Peter braced the hard impact of a cold glare, he was greeted by a soft smile. Warmth coursed through his veins despite the freezing wind. 

For once, Peter felt comfortable in the silence. He could stand on MJ’s doorstep all night if it meant getting to spend more time with her. Luckily, Peter discovered he wouldn’t get the chance.

“Do you want to come inside?” MJ asked, sighing. “I’m making dinner and I have enough food to feed a whole universe of spider-people.” 

“As long as it’s not burritos.”

Peter stepped inside as the storm finally stopped.  
  


_Dear MJ,_ _  
__  
__Thank you for loving me. Because I have a hard time doing it myself, and sometimes you make it easier._ _  
_ _  
For someone who doesn't know much about love, I think you’re my exact definition. It's hard to put a feeling like that into words, it kinda feels like a light, a bright sun in my stomach that I can't turn into sentences. Ever since we broke up, I’ve felt like there’s this huge cloud over my head, following me wherever I go and sucking up all the light._ _  
_

_Falling out of love with you was like watching the sun fall out of the sky. I’m no astronomer, but Miles and Gwen have both confirmed that if that were to happen in real life, we’d all die._

_Anyway, I’ve changed. I think. I’ve thought a lot about the future, our future. I spent so much of my life alone that I drowned in it. I’m ready to breathe again. I’m ready to start a family._ _  
__  
Sometimes I think about how small we are in this world, we're the spiders of all these universes. And I think about how lucky I am to have you, knowing that we can be stepped on at any minute._ _  
_

_I love you and I don't say it often, frankly I haven’t said anything lately, but if I've learned anything from what I do as Spider-Man it’s is that often will still never be enough. Because when I go out there, both of us not knowing whether or not I’ll come back or be the next spider splattered on the bottom of a shoe, I regret not saying it every time._

_I know it's going to be hard to look at me the same way you used to, laugh at all my dumb jokes, and worst of all, find that divorce lawyer and say we want a redo. But I hope it’s not hard to imagine us rebuilding our web, this time taking the biggest leap of faith we’ve ever made by making it big enough for our own Spiderverse._

_Thank you, MJ for being my friend, my more-than-friend, and my everything._

_  
_ _Love,_ _  
_ _Peter_ __  



End file.
